Have you ever wanted Jessica Alba to challenge you to a staring contest? Of course! (Am I right, fellas?) BUT WAIT…what if you weren’t in the same room as her - what if she was challenging you to a staring contest over THE INTERNET! Sounds retarded? Perhaps.

See how it works is, she stares at a computer and video tapes herself for several minutes without blinking her eyes once. Then you watch it and feel weird about it.

The new website ibeatyou.com is for competitive people who like to take part in wacky challenges like “who has the funniest OH face?” with people ACROSS THE GLOBE! You may ask yourself “Why? Dear God why is this a thing?”

As we all know, communication is the bridge that connects different peoples, and ibeatyou.com is just another way we can change the world through connecting to one another. A contest for who has the “funniest OH face” may be insanely stupid upon first glance, but look a little deeper and I see an opportunity to bring peace to an increasingly volatile world. We may differ in our beliefs about religion and politics, but the we can agree on how fucking funny an OH face is.

She may have won, but humanity lost.

Currently #2 in the Oh Face competition. I don’t think this guy understands what an OH face is.

Oh Face Remix

Okay, right now this has 14,176 views. My bets are on it reaching one million within the month. Simply wonderful. It’s one of those examples of someone acting as crazy off camera as you KNEW they would. Just watch it now. Please.

UPDATE: The original clip was already up to half a million hits after being up for less than 8 hours before CBS had the user take it down. Luckily, other people already had reposted the video, so I updated the link. Enjoy!

Via Google News…

2,381 news articles about Jenna Bush’s marriage. And…

97 news articles about a Guantanamo Bay trial.

(I hate the news media)

To have the first major motion picture about a black super hero also be the first major motion picture about a drunk and lazy, homeless superhero.

I think it’s super gr8 that everyday joe’s like you and me can become internet sensations and get the word out about eatin’ good in the neighborhood! Can you say dream come true?!?

Oh - in case you were wondering, according to the submission agreement:

II. To Enter: There is no cost to submit your Video Submission on the Website.

You totally don’t have to pay to help promote Applebee’s! Amazing, right? Cause in all seriousness, I would put down my own money to ENSURE that every American citizen knows about their Boneless Buffalo Wings.

III. Submission Requirements: the Video Submission is your original work and your sole and exclusive property

If you care enough about getting in an Applebee’s commercial that you steal someone else’s idea for getting in an Applebee’s commercial, you’re a little bit retarded.

IV. Certain Rights: You agree that (i) Applebee’s may use any ideas, concepts, material, or expression in whole or in part, contained in your Video Submission;

Their message is pretty clear: if you have a “drink night at Applebee’s” themed screenplay, you probably shouldn’t apply because they’ll use your idea. Also, you’re a little bit retarded.

Welcome to Martin Scorcese’s MySpace page

Because their president Nicolas Sarkozy can have nude photos of his wife sold at an auction house, show up drunk to a G8 press conference — and it’s not controversial enough for him to be impeached (the nude wife thing is however stirring up controversy during Sarkozy’s trip to England, because the Brits are now forced to explain to their children what a naked lady is).

I love France. Evidence is below.

She looks better naked then Bill Clinton ever will.

Drunk Prez!

Don’t blame world leaders at the G8 summit for purposefully disenfranchising the world’s poor - they’re too drunk to know better! I certainly don’t give money to homeless people when I wander the streets of a worldly metropolitan city drunk on expensive cocktails.

I saw it on PAX today. It really is impressive the lengths Hollywood will go to capitalize on the Air Bud market. Apparently the production company, Keystone Entertainment, specializes in slapstick animal comedies. I’m not joking. Go to their website for proof of this fact.

MXP: Most Extreme Primate